Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
