i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
