i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Randomize
