my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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