It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
