3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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