i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
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