She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
