He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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