it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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