Your tits are I can't wait for
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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