This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
