Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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