If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
honey bunches of taint.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
