hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
i think my cat just said my name.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Randomize
