i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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