apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
