never play flip cup with pint glasses
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
