I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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