Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
