Plan B is the new Plan A
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
