no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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