you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
