Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
