wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
