I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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