I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
please come you make the beer taste better
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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