life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
