He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
