He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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