I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
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