He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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