I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
