Fine. I'll sleep in my office
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
