dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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