Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
