i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
