...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
