she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
