i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
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