margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
