I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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