I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
