My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
