stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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