Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
