nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
