Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
