Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
