I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
