thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
