got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
